Bitter
by Yin the Anima
Summary: So the war is over, But Heeros battles are still wageing on inside his head, what happens when he starts rembering his childhood and the people who made him who he is today? Heero abuserape 12 34 5? Formally Past of a Falling Phoenix.
1. Aftermath

Katze: Holy crap on a stick I finally finished my first chap. of this fic! You have no idea how happy I am right now! Woot!

Anywho yep so on with the show

Disclaimer: I Own no part of Gundam Wing but it would be so awesome if I did cuz Heero would be mine and I could make him and Duo love each other for real! Just kidding anywho here we go!

Past of a falling Phoenix

Chapter 1: Aftermath

"And the slope of the y intercept is what?" A female teacher asked with her back turned to class while writing an equation on the black board. She turned around to see the twenty some odd faces that stared blankly back at her. Most of the students were of in their own little worlds, '_probably fanaticizing about girls…' _she thought some of them looked as though they were about to fall asleep, except for one particular student.

Her eyes studied the boy, sharp facial features, chocolate mess hair, and brilliant Persian blue eyes. His left leg was moving up and down at a rapid pace.

_' He sure must want to get out of here pretty badly.' _She thought to herself. "Mr.Yuy, would you care to enlighten us poor unknowing souls with the answer?" She asked sarcastically, knowing full well that he hated talking to anyone but his friends. " Y equals –12." The blue eyed boy answer in a gruff, deep voice.

The rarely hear voice caused some kids to look back to make sure they really heard his voice. In the four months that Heero had attended St. Burns Boys Academy they had only heard him say a few things.

And with that the teacher smiled as the bell rang and chairs squeaked signifying the end of the lesson.

Heero Yuy was one of five boys that transferred to the Academy almost four months ago. Heero transferred along with Dou Maxwell, a hyper American with violet eyes and a long chestnut braid, Trowa Barton, a tall, quite man with piercing eyes and long brown bangs that covered half of his face. Quatre Rababa Winner, a young blond boy with angelic features and soft, caring blue eyes and finally Wufie Chang, a feisty Asian with black, strong eyes and matching black hair pulled into a short ponytail.

Most of the other guys in the school tried to steer clear of Heero and Wufie, they both seemed to have short tempers and were very easy to set off. Duo and Quatre on the other hand were very pleasant to be around, well except for when Duo had too much sugar in his system. Trowa however was the neutral one of the group. He never really said anything except to the other four guys.

Any on looker could tell that there was something unusual about these five sixteen year olds, but no one suspected that these five teens were the pilots of the five gundams that fought during the two wars.

After the second war, code named " Endless waltz," All soldiers under the age of 18 were sent to their homes or, for those who were orphaned during the war, with foster families. They were forced to go to normal schools and try to live normal lives. As for the gundams pilots, they were original supposed to be taken into Perventers care. But thanks to the meddling of one Relena Peacecraft, they were sent to live with foster families under the alibi of ex-oz soldiers. Which as one can imaging did not sit to well with the former pilots.

The government feared that if the identities of the pilots where revealed to the public, there would be chaos and citizens might revolt and try to kill the 5 boys. Many people blame the gundams for the death and destruction over the past two years. The government also thought it would be wrong to spilt the boys up so they told the adopted families to send them all to the same boarding school.

However the pilots thought that school was a waste of time for them, considering that they had already excelled at almost all categories of education. Well the intellectual part anyway. But in the social department they were not as up to par.

They still distanced themselves from people and tried to be as anti-social towards humanity as possible. But this was to be expected from ex-soldiers. It was hard for everyone to accept that there wold be no more battles and no more war.

It was especially hard on Heero, ever since he was born he was trained to fight. So he had very little experience with any emotions other than pain, hate, and anger. Heero did support peace, yes that was true, but he didn't know how to live without war or without missions.

This lack of purpose made him more irritable than he had been a few months ago when the war was still in progress. Duo was perhaps the only person who could calm Heero down when he went into on of his frustrated fits.

Heero and Duo shared a dorm together, Quatre and Trowa shared on, and Wufei (much to his dislike) He shared a room with the most obnoxious, rich, preppy boy in the whole school.

His name was Rick Elms. He was the epitome of a rich bitch blonde boy. He had to always have the best clothes, he had to be the center of attention, and he always got what he wanted…. And he wanted Heero Yuy.

But Heero wasn't the only one from the G-Boys that seemed to attract unwanted "attention" from some of the other boys; Duo was the one who mostly got the stares and cat calling. Duo didn't really mind though, he and Quatre had embraced the fact that they were being allowed a second chance at leading normal lives.

They just prayed that no one ever found out that they were the five boys that were the pilots of the five great machines that caused so much pain and destruction.


	2. Visions of Dreams

Katze: YAY chapter 2 done at last! Go me! So anywho please review and let me know what you think, tell me what I can do better and what might be wrong in the fic. Anyway thanks! Enjoy!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer: See chapter 1

Chapter 2: Vision of Dreams

Duo opened his eyes to the sound of running water coming from the small bathroom he shared with Heero. _'Heero's sure up early.' _He thought to himself as he looked at the glowing red numbers of the alarm clock he and Heero shared that read "5:30 am."

Dou stretched and rolled over to face the rest of the room. His bed was parallel to Heero's, and both where nestled in far corners of the room with a bedside table between them. There were two closets and two dressers in the room. Also one desk stood at the foot of each bed, on had an open laptop on it, which was currently casting a blue glow on the almost dark room.

_' I wonder what he was researching now…' _Duo thought throwing the covers off him self. He instantly regretted it as a rush of cold air hit his bare chest and arms. He wore a pair of black sweat pants and white socks.

Rubbing his eyes he made his way over to the bathroom, which was still occupied by Heero. He knocked and without waiting for an answer he walked in.

"Morning He-chan." Duo smiled not noticing the intense glare he was receiving from the half naked pilot, who was still dripping wet from his shower. Heero's bottom half was covered by a towel exposing his well-toned body, water droplets ran over his muscles making his skin glisten.

Duo blushed at the site of Heero pouting with a toothbrush still in his mouth. He turner away before Heero could see his pink cheeks. " Uo ant uo ate or ang awer?" Heero asked through toothpaste and toothbrush.

" Nope I can't wait! It's not my style! Dude you know that!" Dou chirped and turned towards Heero flashing him a lopsided smile. _'But for you Ill wait as long as it takes.'_ He sadly thought to himself.

"What's wrong Dou?" Heero asked softening his features. " Nothing." Duo said lowering his eyes. _' Nothing except that I'm falling in love with my best friend.' _ He thought as his eyes traced the scares that danced across Heero's body.

There was a story for every scare on his body. Duo, being Heero's partner during the wars knew most of the stories, but he wasn't satisfied. He wanted to know all the stories. He wanted to know everything the was to know about Heero Yuy. It was his mission, the mission that kept him from going insane.

"Duo why are you staring at me like that?" Heero asked confused. " Huh.. What.. Uh I'm not staring I'm … uh…" _'wishing I could tell you'_ He thought. " I'm just thinking!" He finished as Heero walked out of the room.

"Well there's a first for everything I guess." Heero mumbled. " Wow I guess there really is!" Dou called back from the bathroom. " Really? How so?" "Well, The Perfect Soldier just cracked a joke."

" Maybe, So what are you getting at?" Heero asked." Nothing… Hey Heero?" "Yes Maxwell?" "Why don't you try giving life a chance?" Duo asked. Heero remained silent for a moment the whispered back " Because I was supposed to die in the war."

Duo's head popped out of the bathroom to see Heero's eyes. Heero rarely ever freely showed his emotions, but Duo learned that Heero's eyes would sometimes betray him. " Heero.." His eyes where so full of pain.

" Heero, don't really mean that do you? I mean, you're the reason that the wars are over. We all owe our lives to you and I … I just." Duo whispered as he made his way over to Heero's slouching body on the floor. He reached out his hand stopping mere centimeters away from Heero's bare shoulder.

Suddenly, Heero's mood changed to a polar opposite. His body began to shake violently as his face clinched in pain. " Heero buddy are you okay! What's wrong!" Duo yelled in panic as he knelt down beside Heero's form.

"GET AWAY! DON'T TOUCH ME! IM NOT YOU WEAPON!" Heero yelled lashing out at Duo with his fist which collided with his right cheek. The punch knocked Duo off his knees and onto his back.

Heero crawled on top of Duo's chest, jaw was clenched and his teeth were bared. Duo looked into his eyes; they were bloodshot and distant. Heero was off in his own world of pain and torture.

A five-year-old boy sat in a dark corner of a cold stone room. His body was visible but his face covered by a mass of spiky chocolate colored bangs. Upon closer inspection blood could be seen streaming down from gashes and cuts in the boys well built chest. His muscular arms were tied behind his back.

A noise came from a doorknob on the opposite side of the room. The boys head shot up to see a man with bright blond hair and the same persian blue eyes that the boy had. The man quickly closed the door behind him and stalked over to the boy in the corner.

" Stand up." The man said as he slapped the boy across the face. The blow caused the boy to fall to the ground. " Boy I fucking said STAND THE FUCK UP!" The man said and grabbed a fist full of the boys' hair and hoisted him up to the wall.

The boys foot shot up and connected with the mans nose. " I'm not your weapon!" The boy yelled. The man dropped the child to the ground holing his broken nose as blood seeped through his fingers and onto his dirty white shirt.

He grabbed a small knife from his back pocket and grabbed the struggling boy's arm. " No stop it!" He screamed as the blade sliced through the flesh on his shoulder. " Learn to give into the pain. You must accept it, you were born for this war and so you will die before it is over." He said with a sickening crack, he snapped the boy's bleeding arm.

" No Father!" The boy cried desperately as the blond man walked out of the room laughing insanely.

" No Father!" Heero yelled jumping out from under Duo's stunned body and huddling in the corner. He cradled his left arm protectively to his chest.

" Heero wake up!" Duo screamed in panic and slapped Heero across the cheek. Heero fell to the floor in shacking he. " Duo, Heero, open this door!" called Trowa's voice followed by pounding on the door. Duo ran to unlock the door then rushed back to Heero's quivering form. Trowa and Quatre hurried into the room.

"What was that about? We could hear you guys screaming from down the hall." Quatre asked nestled atop Trowa's lap. Trowa was currently sitting cross-legged on Duo's bed while Duo paced the length of the room waiting for Heero to get out of the bathroom.

" I don't know, Heero and I where just talking when.." Duo paused, _' I can't tell them about Heero saying that he wanted to die in the war…can I?' _Duo's facial expression twisted from worry to fear to confusion. _' Wait a sec Heero said…' _

" Guys just before Heero woke up he screamed about the word 'father.'" Duo said. " So what are you getting at?" Trowa asked. " I don't know, I mean what if Heero is having dreams about his dad?" Dou said glancing at the closed bathroom door.

" I mean what do we really know about Heero's past anyway?" Duo continued sitting down on Heero's bed. " Well now that you mention it, nothing really." Quatre said wrapping his arms around Trowa's neck.

" What's wrong with me?" Heero whispered to his reflection in the mirror. Heero stared at his reflection, blue eyes stared back, but they weren't his. They were soft and hurt, like a child's. " Who was that kid? He seemed so familiar." Heero cradled his throbbing arm to his chest. " Shit."

Heads popped up to see a forlorn looking Heero walk out of the bathroom ( by the way Heero is dressed now lol ) and over to the closet. " Heero. What was that?" Came Trowa's smooth voice.

Heero's face became tight and the three boys a trade mark "Glare of Death" as if to say " drop it or I'll kill you." " Listen Heero, we-" " Quatre don't push it, it was nothing." Heero said grabbing a jacket and walking over to his dresser.

He grabbed his keys and his wallet and began to walk out the door. " He-chan, we have class in an hour, where are you going?" Duo asked standing up. Duo received an angry look from Heero. " Not to class." He said monotonously and walked out of the door leaving a confused Duo and worried Trowa and Quatre.


	3. Fall Into Fear

Woot! Heres chapter #3!

On with the show 

For a disclaimer look on chapter 1

Past of a Falling Phoenix

Chapter 3: Fall Into Fear

Heero could be found driving around the countryside in his black corvette. You wouldn't think it but since the gundam pilots did so much for the earth and the colonies, Relena Peacecraft gave each of them a car.

But Heero however couldn't careless. He despised the pink princess' kindness. As a leader for peace he respected her ideas and choices, but as a teenage girl filled to the brim with hormones he hated her. And her undying love for him.

But Heero had more important things to think about. Like why had transpired earlier that morning. Who was the kid in his vision, and why did the pain seem so real. "_And that man…that man's eyes scare me. Me the perfect solder." _

"Father…But whose father is he?" Heero asked himself staring intently at the yellow lines that divided the road. " It can't be mine can it? Dr. J said my real father died before I was born. But then again I can't remember anything before the age of fourteen." Heero kept on with his musings until he realized he wasn't watching the road.

" Fuck. Now I'm even talking to myself. I wonder what Duo would think…" Heero's thoughts drifted to his braided ex-partner. Heero was confused to say the least. With thoughts of his lost childhood still fresh in his head, Duo was the last thing Heero needed to think about.

Mean while back at the academy. " Heero Yuy?" called the physics teacher not looking up from his attendance sheet. " I said Heero Yuy?" He called again snapping his head up toward the rowdy class.

" Maxwell! Front and center!" He screamed over the noise. " Yes sir?" Duo answered turning his head away from Wufei, who was currently getting filled in on Heero's episode.

" Maxwell, you are Yuy's roommate are you not?" The teacher asked. " Yes sir I am." Duo answered unsure of what the older man's intentions where. " Maxwell, Where is Yuy?" He asked glaring at the lopsided smile Duo was giving him.

" Um Heeros not here sir." Duo said trying to keep his " I may run and hide but I'll never tell a lie" motto. " Well I can see that Mr. Maxwell smart mouth. Where exactly is he?" The teacher asked with a glint of annoyance shinning in his eyes.

" Well you see I don't really exactly know where he is… but that tie really brings out the color in your eyes." Duo said quickly trying to change the subject. He scratched the back of his neck trying to look innocent.

" Flattery will get you no where Mr. Maxwell." He answered sarcastically. " Now shall we press on with our lesson. And no more interruptions." He said glaring toward Duo and Wufei.

" But you're the one who started the whole conversation in the first place!" Duo argued standing up quickly. Wufei pulled Duo back down into his seat and whispered " Duo what the hell, are you trying to get kicked out of class?" " Well now there's an idea!" Duo whispered back snapping his fingers.

" Mr. Maxwell. I will not tolerate talking back in my class." The teacher said walking towards Duo. " But sir that's not fair, I have to tolerate your annoying voice five days a week for over and hour everyday." Duo said smiling slyly.

" Maxwell if you do not close that gaping hole in your face I will not hesitate to send you out of my class." The teacher shot back. " You won't!" Duo challenged. " That's it get out of my classroom now Maxwell!" He finally yelled getting red in the face.

Duo flashed the laughing class a lopsided smile and a peace sign. " I'm going to find Heero," Duo whispered to Wufei, " I have my phone if you need me." " I'm not a child Maxwell." Wufei answered folding his arms across his chest. " Well you look like one right now. Later Wu-man!" Duo chimed as he patted Wufei's head and strolled out of the room feeling his teachers burning gaze on his back.

_' Lets see, if I was a brooding Heero, where would I hide?'_ Duo mentally asked himself driving down a road in the countryside. _' Duh! I'd go to the space port!'_ " It only makes sense for him to do something stupid like that." And with that Duo drove off to the Trans-worlds Civilian Spaceport.

Among the chaotic hassle of the waiting room in the spaceport sat a lone figure waiting for his flight to be ready to leave.

_' Am I doing the right thing? What is Duo going to think when I don't come home tonight? He'll probably be really mad. They probably all will, but I have to talk to Dr. J in person. It seems like there's more to this vision that it just being a random dream.' _Heero thought as he watched people walk by him absentmindedly.

" Well if it isn't the one and only Heero Yuy." Came a voice with a slight English accent.

Heero's head snapped up to see the owner of the voice. " Rick Elms." Heero stated more than greeted. Heero's and Rick's eyes met, there was something about his eyes that made Heero uneasy.

" Where are you headed Heero?" Rick asked slyly taking a seat next to Heero. Heero's emotionless eyes followed Rick's every move but he still stayed silent.

" All passengers set to board shuttle three to space colony L1 please make your way to the shuttle at this time." Came a female's voice from over the intercom. Both boys stood up.

" Well Heero looks like were going to the same colony. Doesn't that just make you excited?" Rick smiled. Heero just grunted in response. It was then that Rick noticed that Heero didn't carry any luggage with him. " Fabulous." He whispered to himself and followed Heero into the hallway that lead to the shuttle.

Duo had just pulled into the parking lot of the spaceport when his cell phone went off.

" Hello?" He answered. " Duo? Hey its Quatre." " Oh hey Quatre what's up?" Duo answered casually. " Nothing Duo where are you?" " At the port, why?" Duo asked pulling into an empty parking spot. " Duo listen, don't go after Heero." Quatre said.

-"What? Why not?" Duo said pausing as he started to open the car door. " Wufei, Trowa and I have been talking, what if Heero's earlier behavior had something to do with his past? Heero said ' father' right? Well what if he's remembering his childhood?"

"Then I'll do anything I can to help him remember!"

"Duo no you can't! Heero would never forgive you for meddling in his past. You of all people should know that." Quatre smiled from the other end of the phone line knowing that he had hit a nerve.

"Fine, I guess your right." Duo said hanging up his phone. He rested his head on the steering wheel. _' He really would hate me if I followed him. But I just want him to be happy. But for that guy its seems like there's no such thing as happy.'_ " Heero." Duo whispered to no one but the air around him.

He looked up towards the sky just in time to see a space shuttle take off into the vast reaches of space. " Good luck Heero." Duo said to the shuttle before staring the car and driving back to the school.

"WHAT HEERO'S GONE TO SPACE!" Relena Peacecraft screamed from her office in the capital of the Sanq (Someone wanna tell me if I spelt that right lol?) Kingdom.

Relena, who was once the queen of the world was now an honored vice foreign minister and leader of peace. Though she was quite grown up in the world of politics, she was still head over heals for the ex-pilot of the Wing Gundam.

" Pegan, do you have any idea why Heero went into outer space?" Relena asked her butler from across her large wooden desk.

" No Ms. Relena, Mr. Winner Just said that Heero went into space about six hours ago." He answered pouring Relena a glass of tea. " Yes well please, if you can, call Mr. Winner back and see if you can't find out anything more. Like why he left Earth in the first place." She said.

Relena picked up a picture of Heero off her desk. " Heero where are you. And why do you always have to run away from me?" She whispered taking a sip of her tea. " Yes ma'am." Pegan said and exited the pink tinted room.

" Heero my love, what's wrong? What's gotten into you Heero?" Relena asked no but herself. She put her head down on her hands to think.

" We will be landing on colony L1 in approximently one hour. Please be sure to secure all loose items and fasten all safety belts. Thank you." Called a woman's voice from over the intercom, which pulled Heero from his thoughts.

" Hey Heero, why are you coming all the way out to space?" Rick asked from the seat behind Heero. Heero just stayed silent as ever.

" You know since we got on this shuttle you haven't even said one sentence to me. I'm beginning to think that maybe you don't like me." Rick said sickeningly sweet, snaking his arms around Heero's chest from behind.

Heero tried to shrug him off, but the blond wouldn't let go of him. " Stop struggling, it will just…" Rick whispered into Heero's ear, but Heero didn't hear the rest of the sentence as his body when limp and then started to shake violently.

A blond man stood in a dark room staring at a struggling six year old boy being held back by two built men. " Do it." The man ordered maliciously. " Release his arms and let him face his fears."

"Sir." The two men said in unison as they released their grip on the small brunette. The boy fell to his knees and quickly stood up.

" Father, I can't do it. I won't do it! I can't be your perfect soldier!" The boy said quickly. The man's malicious smile vanished from his features to be replaced with a frown.

"NOW!" the man screamed grabbing the child roughly from the front of his oversized green tank top. " You will see everything in that room that you fear. Your life. The monsters in your mind. War. Death. Yourself. Even me." He whispered harshly into the boy's face.

"You will fear nothing, because a nothing is what you are. You must learn that. And when this glorious war is over, You. Will. Fall." The bland man said and threw the boy behind him.

"Now J. Do it!" The man yelled to one of the other two men in the room. " Sir." Answered the man on the left as he pushed a button. A hole opened up in the floor a few centimeters away from where the boy stood.

The blond man walked up to the boy and whispered " Fall" into his ear. His hand shoved the small boy in the hole.

His body felt like it was on fire. It twisted in the blackness of the fall, which seemed to go on forever. Suddenly the boy saw himself, only his eyes were red instead of blue. The other boy seemed to be standing but was still keeping up with the blue eyed boy as he continued in his twisted fall.

The blue eyed boy tried to reach out to the other boy but he just smiled wickedly and grabbed a whip from behind his back. He lashed out to the falling boy with the whip but it just went through his falling form. With that he disappeared.

Scenes flashed of war, and death, blood and gore, pain and hate, of children dying painfully and people crying over lost family members. Through the sequence all was silent except for the boy's screams. He saw hideous monsters tearing each other apart viciously with teeth and claws. He saw pain and suffering, fires and storms, murder and rape, and then it all stopped.

The blood and guts stopped coming, the fires stopped spreading and a boy, no wait a man appeared. His violet eyes sparkled and his long chestnut hair was loose and billowed around his body.

The man reached out his hand toward the falling boy " Heero" he whispered smiling at the falling boy.

But across from the purple-eyed man appeared the red eyed child. The blue eyed boy's smile faded as he saw the other child aim a gun at the man's heart. The falling boy let out an ear shattering scream as the red eyed boy pulled back on the trigger of the gun, the bullet passed through the falling boy and into the man's chest.

Blood splattered and the man's dead body disappeared, along with his went the red eyed devil. And in their place was a giant image of the blond haired man the boy referred to as "father."

He was smiling viciously with blood dripping down his chin and eyes glowing a bright red color. His hands were the size of the boy and they started to come towards the boy. Just before they reached him he hit the ground with a blood-curling wail just before he sunk into darkness.

A door opened shedding a yellow light in the room as two dark figures came into the room and carried the unconscious boy out.

" Watch out!" Yelled a medical technician as a group of five tried to get the trashing body of Heero onto a stretcher. Heero punched one of the med-techs in the jaw and fell to the floor.

"Duo!" Heero screamed as he jolted awake. He looked up at the stunned on-lookers and frantic technicians, one with a busted lip.

With the speed of a wet cat Heero jumped up and rushed off the docked shuttle. Followed by Rick Elms. " Heero! Heero babe wait!" Rick called trying to find the other teen among the masses of people in the spaceport.

Heero pushed through people knocking them over as he went. Only running faster when he heard Rick's voice behind him.

' _I've got to get out of here! Exit, I need an exit!'_ Heero thought to himself pausing to look around for and escape route. He spotted the double glass doors that lead to the innermost reaches of the space colony and began to run again.

Well that's that! In finally done with chapter 3! Hey if you didn't get something then just put it in a review and I'll try to explain it in the next chapter! And even if you get it review please! It makes the Katze happy and I might just type faster with positive influence! Yea so its like 11:30 and I got school so I'm gonna call it a night!

R&R! 3 Leibe Katze!!!


	4. Pools of Pain

Katze: hey guys I finished chapter 4 finally! Woot! And if you want a disclaimer check out ealier chapters!

On With the chapter!!!!

Past of a Falling Phoenix

Chapter 4: Pools Pain

Duo sat in his and Heero's dorm room worried to death about Heero.

" _Oh man, what happens if Heero has another vision while he's on the shuttle? Who's going to help him? God I wish he could see how much I love him, then maybe he would let me help him." _Duo thought as he looked at a picture of Heero and himself on Christmas Day the almost a year ago, after they defeated Mariemea.

In the picture Heero was sitting on the end of a couch wearing his normal tank top and shorts as Duo, who was wearing full-blown Santa Claus outfit, stood behind him holding mistletoe above his head.

Duo smiled at the memory. Heero secretly told Duo that He was excited for Christmas. Considering it was the first Christmas Heero had ever celebrated. Duo had whispered to Heero that night that he would always make Heero's Christmas special.

And Duo couldn't wait to make Heero's next Christmas ultra awesome. "_I just wish that we could have grown up normal instead of being killing machines." _Duo thought leaning back on the bed.

" Heero I love you." He said to the photo as a tear slipped from between his eyelids.

" I don't think he heard you Maxwell"

" Wu-man! He he he um how's it goin?" stuttered surprised to find Wufei standing at his open dorm room door. He was franticly trying to hide the fact that he was crying.

" Give it up Maxwell, it obvious enough. I know you're in love with Yuy." Wufie said walking over to Duo's bed.

" Oh come on man, you know I was kidding. You don't really believe that I love Heero Yuy, the Perfect Solider, Mr. I'm perfect in every way, shape and form." Duo said trying to impersonate Heero's trademark death glare.

" Duo, everyone knows that you have feelings for him." Wufei said crossing his arms. " Well everyone except for Heero that is. That man is absolutely oblivious. Its injustice" He said.

" Yea, and I think we should keep it that way." Duo said flopping his body down on the bed and throwing his arm over his eyes.

" That's not what the other two think." Wufei said staring out the window that looked out over the backfields of the school.

The trees that covered the far corner were bare. "_Wow I guess winter is closer than I thought." _Wufei thought as he watched a crisp wind carry dead leaves across the fields. " _Maybe it will snow soon."_

" Nice to know you guys are talking about me behind my back." Rolling to face the wall.

" Duo don't be such a baka, just because were soldiers-"

" Ex-soldiers." Duo interrupted.

" Yes, ex-soldiers, doesn't mean we can't care about anything. You of all people should know that." Wufei said sitting down next to Duo. " You love Heero, and he deserves to know. He may even love you back." Wufei said putting a hand on Duo's Shoulder.

Duo turned his head towards Wufei; " Heero doesn't love me. He doesn't love anyone, not even himself. He said … " Tears once again formed in his eyes.

" What? What did he tell you?" Wufei said tightening his grip on Duo's shoulder.

" He wants to die. He said he was suppose to die in the war." Duo said as he lowered his head so his bangs shielded his eyes.

" That's why you have to show him. Show him that he has a place in this world, and that his place is at your side. Duo you have to show him what love is." Wufei said pulling Duo into a caring hug. " You have to show him."

Heero stood in the middle of a park inside colony L1 watching the artificial snow fall to the ground.

_" This is wrong. Something so beautiful should only exist on Earth where it can be fully appreciated. People out here in space take natural things like snow for granted. When they can just create it like it's on demand. Humans don't belong in outer space." _

Heero thought as he watched people passed by trudging through the non-melting snow. Heero had spent the past two days searching for Dr. J, his mission director during the war. Dr. J was the closest link Heero had to his past.

But Heero found out that Dr. J had already left the colony and had gone elsewhere. He sat down on a park bench frustrated. " _Why would he just leave like that? And more importantly where the hell is the old fool?" _

" Heeeeeeero!" Called a female's voice from behind him. " Fuck. Just what I need." Heero mumbled sarcastically, turning around just in time to get jumped by the one and only Relena Peacecraft.

" Heero, Why did you come to space without telling me?" Relena asked taking a bite of the spaghetti she had in front of her. Heero ignored her question and took another sip of water. " Heero, please baby talk to me! I must know!" Relena pleaded.

Heero glared at the pet name she had just called him and proceeded to scan the restaurant they were currently in. It was extremely nice, with waiters in suits and candles everywhere. Heero felt so out of place among all the rich people. Relena had to drag him into this restaurant.

" Heero tell me!" Relena said once again. " I have a right to know."

" And what right would that be exactly?" Heero said finally.

" Well for one, I'm the whole reason that you pilots can live normally for once. I mean I'm the one who put you guys in that school, and the reason why the general public doesn't know your identities. And for another thing,"

Relena paused and reached for Heero's hand, which he immediately pulled away. " Heero Yuy, I love you." She said looking deep into his emotionless eyes. Heero just stared dryly at her.

" Heero Please say something!" Relena pleaded.

" I'm going back to the Earth." He said standing up.

" Heero I just told you my feelings for you and now you just going to leave me again?" Relena said standing up with him.

" That's the idea." Heero answered gruffly and began to walk away from her. But her hand on his shoulder stopped him.

" Heero, stop running away from me." She begged, tears forming in her eyes.

" Relena." Heero whispered, " It's one sided." He said shrugging her hand off him and calmly walking out of the restaurant.

" Heero, you can't mean that!" Relena whispered to herself. " I will never give up on you! EVER!" She yelled in Heero's wake. People looked at the pink princess with discus at her outburst. " Sorry." She said as she paid for her food and walked out into the cold streets of the colony.

" Wufei!" Quatre called from across the lunchroom back at the school. Wufei made his way across the cafeteria to where Trowa and Quatre sat holding hands.

Quatre and Trowa had been together for nearly six months and were still going strong. The pair seemed like a match made in heaven. " _Duo and Heero could look like that someday." _Wufei mused.

" What did Duo say when you confronted him?" Trowa asked. Quatre leaned in to hear Wufei's story better.

" He said that he'd rather keep it a secret from Heero. He told me that he wants Heero to love himself before he even thinks about loving Duo." Wufei said.

" What do you mean? Of course Heero loves himself. I mean why wouldn't he? He's the one who saved the world twice!" Quatre said holding up two fingers emphasizing the word 'twice'.

" Apparently Heero doesn't see himself like the rest of us do. He must assume that since there's no more reason to fight, then that means he has no purpose in the world anymore. He doesn't realize that there is still a future for him." Trowa said in his normal matter-of-factly tone.

" In Heero's eyes, he still sees the faces of the people he's killed over and over again. Its like a daily torment for him, to him the faces of the people he's murdered outweigh those faces of the people he's saved." Wufei continued for Trowa.

" Well, what are we going to do? I mean Heero can't just keep lining like this!" Quatre said. His voice shook with worry for the Wing Gundam's pilot.

" Quatre I think the only thing we can do is let Heero deal with his own problems. He won't let us even attempt to help him. That's just the way he is." Trowa said grabbing Quatre's hand.

" Duo I'm coming back to school." Heero said from a payphone in the west spaceport of colony L1.

" Good I'm glad. Did you find what you were looking for?" Duo's voice sounded from the receiver of the phone.

" No. Duo?"

" Yes what's up?"

" I need you to do me a favor." Heero answered quickly.

" Yea, sure anything." Duo answered hoping the favor didn't have anything to do with Relena or baking a cake. Duo's mind wondered to the last time that he attempted to make a cake for Heero's Birthday.

It ended up with an angry looking Heero covered in bright pink icing and chocolate cake mix. The Thought caused an eruption of laughter from Duo's end of the phone line.

" What was that about?" Heero asked slightly confused by Duo's outburst.

" Oh nothing, yea so about that favor. Whacha want me to do for you Hee-Chan?"

" I need you to see if you can find out anything on Dr. J's current whereabouts."

" Yea sure, no problemo!" Duo answered. " Hey can I ask why and get an answer?"

" No." Heero said hanging up the receiver quickly before Duo could respond and argue with him. He made his way to the ticket counter with a slight smirk on his face at the thought of Duo pouting.

" Heero I'm not letting you leave without me!" Relena's voice came from behind him. She grabbed his arm and spun him towards herself. " Heero, what's happening? Why are you so drawn away from me?" Relena asked cupping Heero's cheek with a well-manicured hand.

" Relena let … go … of … me …NOW!" Heero whispered brokenly. His eyes were fighting between red and blue. His hands found her shoulders.

" Heero? Heero what's happing to you!"

The without warning Heero let out an agonizing scream and shoved Relena into a nearby fountain of water. With her fall, she grabbed his tank top and pulled him into the water with her.

Dark green bubbles. A seven-year-old boy opened his eyes to a green tinted room. It was dark, lit only by the artificial blue glow of the many computer screens that were in the room.

It took him a minuet to realize that he was actually suspended in a tube of liquid, and that he was naked.

Small black wires were attached to various places all over the boys body. The wires ran from the boy to a main computer in the center of the room. He tried banging on the glass that surrounded him, but it wouldn't crack. He tried to scream, but the liquid muffled hi small voice.

Lights flicked on in the room revealing white tile floors and white walls. Six men entered from a metal door, all of them were dressed in white lab coats. The same man with blonde hair followed them.

" So your finally awake bitch?" He said walking up to the glass that separated him from the boy. The child tried to say something back but the liquid again stopped his voice. The man turned.

" Is it ready yet Dr. J?" He asked a young man with white-blonde hair

" Almost sir. The muscle stimulants are almost ready to be injected. But it will be very painful for the boy considering the dosage we're about to give him." J replied.

" I don't care. He won't live long anyway. His only purpose in life is to gain freedom for these colonies, so it doesn't matter how he feels as long as he carries out his missions properly." The blue eyed man said.

" Sir the stimulants are ready to be injected." One of the men in white called from across the room.

" Good. Do it then." The blonde man called. He put his hand up against the glass that came between him and his 'son'. " You will be the Perfect Soldier. You will be the one to gain our independence from the damn Earth Sphere Alliance."

The boy's eyes showed pain as the heart monitor began to beep at an overly rapid pace. " Sir the drugs are now being inject into the subject." Called another scientist. The boy's body began to spaz, he was yelling but could not be heard.

Small squirts of blood shot out from where the wires where inserted into the boy's flesh. " Sir we have to stop! It's getting to dangerous he cant take anymore!" A scientist yelled over the rising chaos in the room.

" All vital signs are off the charts! Something's wrong, his body can't take it! The dosage was too high for him! Sir your son is going to die!" Dr. J panicked.

" No he's not, just a little longer" The Father screamed

" Sir we have to release him!" Yelled another scientist, He reached for the shut off switch on his computer. The sound of a gun cocking silenced the room and stopped the scientist in his tracks. He turned to meet the barrel of the Father's pistol centered on his forehead.

" If you touch that button, you'll be dead before you hit the ground. I guarantee it." The man whispered sadistically. " Yes Sir." The other man whispered shacking for fright.

The boy kicked at the glass franticly trying to escape the pain that engulfed him. Small cracks began to form where his feet were repeatedly pounding against the glass. He noticed his father was holding a gun to one of the worker's head.

With a final kick the boy shattered the glass and the green liquid began to flow out of the tube and on to the floor. The boy fell out of the tube, landing on the floor and the broken shards of glass.

"No you fucking idiot!" The blonde man yelled landing a kick on the boy's rid cage. The boy was already covered in small streams of blood and with his father's final kick he passed out on the floor cold.

Heero awoke to the scared face of Relena Peacecraft looking back at him. They were both soaking wet and laying a fountain of water in the middle of spaceport with people staring at them.

" Heero what's going on with you?" She asked. Heero stood up, stepped over the rail of the fountain and offered his hand to Relena. " Heero." Relena said taking his hand.

" I have to go back to the Earth." Heero said turning toward the fight terminal that would take him back to the planet.

" Heero, please let me go with you. Maybe I can help you." Relena said following him. Heero paused and gave her a blank stare, then continued walking. Relena followed in his wake.

Holy carp I'm finally finished!!!! Yay I wish for ppl to r&r please!!!!

3 Leibe Katze!!!


	5. Conversations and Puzzle pieces

Katze: hey guys I finished chapter 5 finally! Woot! And if you want a disclaimer check out earlier chapters!

On With the chapter!!!!

Past of a Falling Phoenix

Chapter 5: Conversation and Puzzle Pieces

"So how's search for Dr. J going?" Wufie asked as he sat watching Duo type franticly on the computer

"Jesus this guy is hard to track. I have a hunch that he's somewhere here on Earth. There's a flight ticket from colony L1 under his name in the data base of the colony's space port." Duo answered not taking his eyes from the computer screen.

" Really well that's interesting." Wufei said sarcastically, he was extremely bored of watching Duo research. He lay back on Heero's bed; 'I wonder where Heero is right now.' He thought.

" Yea and also because I talked to Dr. S and he told me that Dr. J was looking for Heero and since he knows Heero is suppose to be here on Earth. I figure he's bound to show up sooner or later… speaking of which Heero should be back soon." Duo Said leaning back in his chair.

Wufie smirked, " So then if you know that Dr. J is coming here then why are you doing all this research?"

" Um because Heero asked me too and I want to do a good job." Duo said as he typed.

" Duo why do you love him so much." Wufie asked propping himself up on his elbow.

" God I don't know, I guess he's just so mysterious and well, he's like a puzzle with missing pieces. I want to help him find those pieces and put them back into place. I don't really know if that makes sense but it's just really hard to explain." Duo said starring off into space.

" Duo right now Heero is going through a very hard time. If he is having visions of his past then he's going to need support from someone who truly loves him. But don't push him too much or try to help him too much. Just be there for him, it's his past and you know Heero is going to want to find out for himself." Wufie said moving to lean against the wall.

" I know. I just love him more than anything else in the world. I'd die for him." Duo said turning back to his open laptop.

" I know you would Duo. I know." Wufei said thinking back to his late wife… His failed puzzle.

So yea I've decided to update in smaller portions from now on…. Because it makes it easier for me to update… cuz I'm a lazy-ass and all lol. So Yea Here's preview of the next chapter.

" That's hot. I can't wait to get you in bed you little devil you." Rick whispered into Heeros ear making him cringe in disgust.

So that's it… for now!

3 Leibe Katze


	6. Homecoming

Katze: hey guys I finished chapter 6 finally! Woot! And if you want a disclaimer check out earlier chapters! Oh yea I've revised this chapter and i think its better than the other version of Ch6. Thanks!

On With the chapter!!!!

Past of a Falling Phoenix

Chapter 6: Homecoming

"Heero Yuy, are you stalking me?" Came the voice belonging to Rick Elms from down the isle of the plane Heero and Relena were currently sitting in. They were sitting next to one another when Rick sat down behind them.

"So babe, what was with that spaz attack you had a few days ago. That was really fucking weird." He asked sticking his head between Heero's and Relena's seats.

"Number one, don't worry about it, number two, I'm not your "babe" and I never will be, and finally number three, get the hell out of my personal space for the last time." Heero said. His voice held no emotion, but his face said "get the fuck away from me."

Heero was mad, angry, upset, he hadn't found Dr. J on the colony, instead he found the pink princess herself, or rather she found him. Not to mention any form of physical contact could throw Heero into another memory. Yea it was safe to say that he was utterly pissed off.

"You know I must agree with Heero, you being there does feel very occward will you please remove yourself from our presents?" Relena chimed in. Rick looked at her as if she were the bane of his existence.

Rick face twisted into a malicious smile. "No thanks I'm quite cozy here Princess, I think I'll just chill out right here." He turned his attention to Heero; he reached his hand around to Heero's face and began to trace Heero's lips with his finger tips.

"There just so soft, how about you turn around and give me a little kiss my lovely phoenix." He said seductively.

"I suggest you get your fingers out of my face before I bite them off." Heero said menacingly. Heero crossed his arms.

"That's hot. I can't wait to get you in bed. Ha ha I bet you're a real sex machine. Are you?" Rick asked. Heero grunted and looked down. "You mean to tell me you've never had sex? Well then you wanna go to the bathroom with me? I love virgins." Rick said moving his hand to the top of Heero's shirt. He slipped his hand in and caressed the skin.

Heero raged. "Get the fuck off me you fucking faggot! What the fuck is wrong with you it's none of your fucking business who I've slept with!" Heero yelled. A few heads turned at the fiasco between Heero and Rick.

"Oh come now Heero I've seen the way you look at Duo Maxwell back at school. You want him don't you? So what's wrong with me? Don't you wanna find out what it feels like to have a real man inside you?" Rick asked his hand going lower to pinch Heero's nipple.

At this point Relena was speechless she hadn't heard the last part about Duo but still she couldn't find words to help Heero. "Fuck you!" Heero yelled and pushed Rick back into his seat.

"Gladly. Just call me anytime; I'm sure you can find my number." Rick said sitting back in his chair. Just then a voice over the speaker announced that the shuttle would be departing soon.

Heero and Relena spent the rest of the journey to Erath in silence. Heero mulled over the things that Rick had said to him for the entire fight. How did Rick know how Heero felt about Duo before Heero even did?

It didn't seem right Heero for some reason couldn't help but feel like he needed to have some sort of sexual experience, he didn't know if he like Duo in that way, he had though of Duo and himself kissing before, but he'd die before he admitted that out loud.

Heero also wanted to know what compelled Rick to call him Phoenix. He had remembered that someone in his past used to call him that… or at least he thought he remembered it. He inwardly laughed, he knew war was confusing but the aftermath seemed hard than the war itself.

At least when Heero was fighting he was told who to kill and who to save. Who was his enemy and who was a friend. "Zero." He whispered, how he missed that machine, it understood him and helped him to separate truth from fiction. Well once he learned to use it right anyway.

Heero still wished desperately that his death had taken place during the war. After all once a solider always a solider. And Heero was the best from birth to death he would always be the best and he would always have the loneliness that came with being the best.

It wasn't because he was insane, although many people would disagree; it was because he no longer had a purpose. Now he was suppose to go to school, learn things he already knew, meet people, fall in love, have a family, and then die happily.

Heero knew that wasn't the life for him. His life was over in his eyes. Just like the war.

Duo paced the room he and Heero shared anxiously awaiting his room mates return. His mind wondered back to the conversation the two shared a mere fifteen minuets earlier.

"Duo?" Heero voice came from the phone Duo clutched in his hands.

"Yea I'm here what's up He-Chan?" Duo asked

"I'm at the space port. I'll be back soon." Heero said quickly and hung up the phone before Duo could even respond.

"God damnit why does that guy always do that, a 'goodbye' is nice to hear sometimes you know." Duo said to a beeping phone. He began to pace back and forth again. He then heard the rattling of keys from the other side of the door.

He rushed over to open the door to revile a very surprised Heero with his keys suspended in mid air, Relena popped up behind him. Duo's smile faded at the sight of her. "Hi princess." He said dryly.

"Hello." She piped back happily.

When Heero walked past Duo he could see that he was upset but he couldn't tell why. They all entered the dorm room quietly. "So what's going on?" Duo asked sitting on his bed still eyeballing Relena.

"I've had more visions. I think I might be seeing my past, you know like suppressed memories or something." Heero said putting his jacket in the closet.

"Really yea, that's what the rest of us were thinking." Duo said, "Dr. J is supposedly trying to find you Heero. He's here on Earth." He finished.

"Good that bastard has some explaining to do. Relena would you do me a favor, find Dr. J and tell him to come here to meet with me. "Heero asked turning to the pink clad princess.

"Of course Heero darling, right away." She said turning to leave but not before giving Heero a kiss on the cheek. She then left after saying goodbye to Duo quickly.

"Remind me to cut my cheek off later." Heero said after she left, he was attempting to wipe the sticky pink lip gloss off his face.

"So you mean you don't like her?" Duo asked looking up from the spot he was starring at on the floor.

Heero gave Duo a confused look, "hell no, she's an annoying preppy bitch. It's just a lot easier for her to find someone with her resources than ours. I need to find out why I'm having these visions before something really bad happens." Heero said sitting down next to Duo.

Duo looked up into Heero's eyes. "So what happened in your vision this time?"

Normally Heero would have blown off that question, but at this point in time he felt like he needed to talk to someone and that someone had to be Duo, since he was the only one Heero would talk about his past with.

"My father was an insane mother fucker. Or at least I think he was my father, anyway…" Heero began to tell Duo about the visions he had had over the past few days. Duo's mouth hung open in complete awe. He straightened up and put his arm around Heero's shoulders.

"Heero that's so terrible!" Duo said and pulled Heero into a full out embrace. He cradled Heero's head to his chest.

"Duo I need to understand what's happening to me." Heero muttered burring his face deeper into Duo's chest.

"I know Heero but I'm worried about you, what if you don't stay the same person?" Duo said and Heero looked up into Duo's watery violet eyes.

"What to mean? Why would I change?"

"You know how sometimes people change after they go through traumatic experiences? Remember when Quatre's father and sister were killed? He went crazy and almost killed Trowa; I don't think that he ever forgave himself for that. What if you change? What if… what if you forget and me and the others?" Duo whispered threw broken breaths. He was on the verge of crying.

"Duo," Heero said taking Duo's cheeks in his hands. Duo raised his wet eyes to meet Heero's piercing Persian blue orbs. "I can never forget you. You're my best friend, my partner, Duo you are my everything." Heero smiled softly.

For a minuets Duo thought Heero was going to close the gap between them and give Duo the long awaited kiss he had been dreaming about. Heero leaned his forehead ageist duo's forehead, "I couldn't forget you even if I wanted to, and your insanity is too vivid to forget."

Heero chuckled a little to cheer Duo up. "Yea well I'm not the one who breaks my bones and then pops them back into place, you psychopath!" Duo joked whipping away his tears.

"True but that was better then that time I self destructed, that shit hurt." Heero said not even bothering to defend himself.

"You are crazy." Duo said smiling as he ruffled Heero's hair. Just as Heero was going to make a come back the phone rang.

"I'll get it." Duo said cutting Heero off and hopping up form the bed.

"Yea sure." Heero said quietly thinking about how he wanted to kiss Duo and take away his pain… He was so close.

Well that was fun haha I typed this out a few weeks ago and didn't get around to updating it until now -

well R&R

and next time I promise to give you guys a Kiss with Heero and Duo!

3 Leibe Katze


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